Sarah's Blog

So a little about me and my background.

I'm a 40 year old single mum, divorced for 10 years and my beautiful though stressful children are 14 and 11 years old. I am a mature student studying my first degree after an accident led to me losing my job. This has left me with a lifetime medical condition that I manage sometimes badly everyday, but I manage. I have been through some very tough times in my life, my now ex husband leaving me and my two children homeless and having to restart our lives not once but now twice.

I have had a problem with my weight since I was 23 years old. I have tried every diet under the sun, sometimes to the point where I have ended up in hospital. Please know I have been desperate enough to lose weight that I have damaged my own life in the process. Now I look at life in a different way, well I am trying to. I want to make my life to be about the things I am going to achieve. I don't want my life to be just something that passes me by anymore. I am making small changes to make my life relavent. I don't want to be stick thin anymore. I don't want to be like the women I see on TV.

I do however want to be healthy and happy. I know that I am going to slip up and old habits will rear their ugly heads but I am human, I will make mistakes but the time has come to accept that I am gonna trip up but if I fall I can pick myself up, dust myself off and get back in the game. I know I am one of many who feel like we have been dealt a rough hand but maybe I should start by picking the cards for my hand in the future. Take back some control in my life and make it count for me. I will laugh at some things and I will break down and cry at other things but they will all mark my path and hopefully be a story I tell when I am old and grey (L'Oreal is covering up the grey for now). Hopefully I can share some of these if not all of these things with everyone else.

You can catch my previous blog posts here

Blog 25

Damn it’s been crazy here. Who is loving this sunshine we are having but secretly inside screaming that we are melting and will never make through the summer (internally holding my hand up)? Am I coping better with the summer this year? Frankly, no. No, I am not. I am actually melting as I type this with a fan blasting me in the face like I am steering a spaceship into warp speed.

I have had all my hair cut off and still my head is melting lol. Yes, that’s right I cut all my hair off. I had been toying with the idea for a while as I have lost a lot of hair since surgery. I started feeling like Rab C Nesbitt. The side effects of surgery really should be highlighted more. I think it’s funny cause I still get people telling me that I took the easy way out and have cheated by going through all these surgeries. Then I have to point out to them that I haven’t just had weight loss surgery that is just one of the 5 surgeries I had in 10 months. I don’t understand why people insist major surgery is an easy thing. I have the scars to prove it isn’t.


I want to talk about getting my haircut though as this was a huge thing for me. I know it sounds silly but going to posh salons is very uncomfortable for me. I have always wanted to be the person that is completely comfortable with them but to be honest I just feel like the ugly sister in the corner and like the before picture in living embodiment. I felt very brave booking my hair appointment at Greys in Hitchin which has to be said is very posh and very trendy. I was lucky that they needed models with long hair so got the hair cut for free (bonus or what). I walked in there and they were having a staff meeting. For me that’s an awkward moment as everyone is staring at me and I don’t like that. They quickly get me seated and I am introduced to the girl who will do my hair. O.K. that’s it I am officially old, the girl doing my hair looks 12 years old (seriously I think I have shoes older than this girl) and I want to shrink into my seat and let the world swallow me up. In my head I am literally thinking damn she is gonna laugh at me or be totally disgusted by hair and me. Why am I so worried about what someone thinks about me? She asks me what I would like done and I explain about all my surgeries and how it is making my hair fall out at the moment. She then puts her hand on my shoulder and tells me not to worry she will sort it out for me and I won’t have to worry. She asks all about my surgeries and she tells me how hard it must have been and that they will help me with a style that will make the loss show less. Everyone there made me feel so at ease. I left there wondering why I was so afraid about going to somewhere trendy. I know that as women we all find it hard to sit in front of those mirrors and trust someone who is basically coiffed to within an inch of their lives. Like people have judged me on how I look and my size I had been doing this myself with all the trendy places and the people who work in them. I was wrong. Yeah to all who know me well I said it, I was wrong. These trendy places are not scary and we all belong in them.


Ok so what else have I been up to? Well, I have been fighting to make sure I get back in to university to do my last semester and I have the best lecturer who helped me no end. She has fought my corner from day one with all that has been going on with all the surgeries and she has helped me get back to uni to finish a semester, so I can graduate. I will actually get my degree after I finish in January.


I have suffered with what I like to call my funny turns for a few months now. I tend to pass out. I woke up on the carpark floor a few weeks ago. Granted a very nice chap was stood there trying to help me and I wish my inner monologue didn’t shoot out of my mouth at any given moment, but it does. He stood there as I looked around and tried to stand and then he said, “I’m afraid you fainted”. My reply was not ‘thank you or oh dear’. Nope it was ‘no s**t Sherlock’ Then it was followed by a lot of apologising on my part. Thankfully he laughed after I assume thinking I was merely simple in the head. But it tends to happen quite a lot. Not the blurting things out loud, I mean I pass out a lot so am back and forth to hospital a lot more than most. I have to check in with them every month right now. By the way I am 5 stones down now. I have no clothes that fit me but this time it’s because they are too big which is a first for me.
Oh in between all this I am taking up new hobbies, I have learnt to sew. I love it and I can actually do it. Who knew but I have learnt to make pj’s, cardigans, cushion covers, peg bags and bunting. Sounds silly but I am loving learning to use a sewing machine and I got to help my son raise money for his detachment by sewing lots of cushions for them to sell. Deary me I have prattled on a bit. I will leave you all to enjoy your sunshine or hide in the shade if you like.

Mucho love to you all xx

 



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To contact Sarah email blog@bigmatters.co.uk and subject line of Sarah
Sarah is an independant blogger, the views and personal opinions expressed in blogs are soley those of the original authors and other contributors.
These views and opinions do not represent those of Big Matters and/or any/all contributors to this site.

 

 


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