Sarah's Blog

So a little about me and my background.

I'm a 40 year old single mum, divorced for 10 years and my beautiful though stressful children are 14 and 11 years old. I am a mature student studying my first degree after an accident led to me losing my job. This has left me with a lifetime medical condition that I manage sometimes badly everyday, but I manage. I have been through some very tough times in my life, my now ex husband leaving me and my two children homeless and having to restart our lives not once but now twice.

I have had a problem with my weight since I was 23 years old. I have tried every diet under the sun, sometimes to the point where I have ended up in hospital. Please know I have been desperate enough to lose weight that I have damaged my own life in the process. Now I look at life in a different way, well I am trying to. I want to make my life to be about the things I am going to achieve. I don't want my life to be just something that passes me by anymore. I am making small changes to make my life relavent. I don't want to be stick thin anymore. I don't want to be like the women I see on TV.

I do however want to be healthy and happy. I know that I am going to slip up and old habits will rear their ugly heads but I am human, I will make mistakes but the time has come to accept that I am gonna trip up but if I fall I can pick myself up, dust myself off and get back in the game. I know I am one of many who feel like we have been dealt a rough hand but maybe I should start by picking the cards for my hand in the future. Take back some control in my life and make it count for me. I will laugh at some things and I will break down and cry at other things but they will all mark my path and hopefully be a story I tell when I am old and grey (L'Oreal is covering up the grey for now). Hopefully I can share some of these if not all of these things with everyone else.

You can catch my previous blog posts here

Blog 19

I have my appointment through to see my surgeon. I have appointments all day on the 27th Oct. I must have an ECG thingy in the morning, I then have to see the anaesthetist and then the surgeon in the afternoon. Rumour has it I should get my surgery date at that appointment. I really hope I do get my date so I can schedule stuff. I don’t want to miss out on anymore university, especially as it’s my final year and I need to get a good grade.  I have a hope that it will be scheduled while I am on Christmas break but the reality is it will probably be during my final semester which is annoying but it will be my final hoop to jump through.
Ok so they say things come in three’s well this last week or so has been a total disaster on that front. I can’t get a new car till I sell mine and everyone seems to be terrified to drive a 1.8, seriously it’s not that powerful. I need to get an automatic because apparently my legs do not like driving and my ankles lock on me which is not great for clutch control on a busy road doctors have said it’s best I drive an automatic. So, I am not driving right now which totally sucks in the summer. I wish I could afford to go get a car and pay it monthly but they won’t give us students that kind of finance. It is very frustrating having to wait to sell my car before I can buy another car. Then as if that wasn’t bad enough my laptop dies. Yep my laptop bit the biscuit, yet another expense I cannot afford and to top it all off my son breaks his phone. Seriously summer is starting to suck on a grand scale. It would seem I have the summer blues and am not sure how to get myself out of it.
I have found myself eating things I shouldn’t be eating and I am scared I am putting on weight. I talk to others on the forum for my hospital group but for some reason it doesn’t seem to be sinking in. Am I self-sabotaging? I have come so far and I know I shouldn’t let these small things get to me hell I have lived without a car for many years so a bit longer won’t hurt, right? The laptop I am sure I can always get one on higher purchase and pay well over the odds for it. It just annoys me that I have to do it this way. I would normally go out for a beer to chill out or have a cigarette in the garden and relax. But I gave all that up for surgery. I feel whiney and annoying which is making me not like myself very much right now. Urgh when will this funk end? I just don’t like feeling like this and this is the first time in a while I have had to deal with this kind of funk and I am not coping as well as I thought I would. But I am not smoking or drinking so that’s good.
I have had to deal with my ex-husband acting like an idiot with my kids, seriously I know he has a whole new family but he doesn’t have to make his first two children feel so out of place when they are with him. It’s just wrong. But I can’t shout at him because he will no doubt take it out on the kids and make them feel bad. So, I just try and soothe my kids and tell them daddy doesn’t mean it he is simply put, just an idiot sometimes. I want to say all the time but I don’t. With all the let downs over the last month or so I have lowered my expectations on things which I really shouldn’t do but I have.
On a plus side though I got my timetable for my final year and if it doesn’t change before the end of September then it’s gonna be awesome. I finally get to study politics in the media. Anyone who knows me knows I am very political so I have this to look forward to. Well I am gonna go downstairs and start the ritual of throwing out all the nice foods that will help me self-sabotage. I really need to get my focus back.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To contact Sarah email blog@bigmatters.co.uk and subject line of Sarah
Sarah is an independant blogger, the views and personal opinions expressed in blogs are soley those of the original authors and other contributors.
These views and opinions do not represent those of Big Matters and/or any/all contributors to this site.

 

 


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