Sarah's Blog

So a little about me and my background.

I'm a 39 year old single mum, divorced for 10 years and my beautiful though stressful children are 14 and 11 years old. I am a mature student studying my first degree after an accident led to me losing my job. This has left me with a lifetime medical condition that I manage sometimes badly everyday, but I manage. I have been through some very tough times in my life, my now ex husband leaving me and my two children homeless and having to restart our lives not once but now twice.

I have had a problem with my weight since I was 23 years old. I have tried every diet under the sun, sometimes to the point where I have ended up in hospital. Please know I have been desperate enough to lose weight that I have damaged my own life in the process. Now I look at life in a different way, well I am trying to. I want to make my life to be about the things I am going to achieve. I don't want my life to be just something that passes me by anymore. I am making small changes to make my life relavent. I don't want to be stick thin anymore. I don't want to be like the women I see on TV.

I do however want to be healthy and happy. I know that I am going to slip up and old habits will rear their ugly heads but I am human, I will make mistakes but the time has come to accept that I am gonna trip up but if I fall I can pick myself up, dust myself off and get back in the game. I know I am one of many who feel like we have been dealt a rough hand but maybe I should start by picking the cards for my hand in the future. Take back some control in my life and make it count for me. I will laugh at some things and I will break down and cry at other things but they will all mark my path and hopefully be a story I tell when I am old and grey (L'Oreal is covering up the grey for now). Hopefully I can share some of these if not all of these things with everyone else.

You can catch my previous blog posts here

Post 13

Damn it… Ok having gall bladder pain is worse than natural child birth (which I have done twice and prefer to this). A whole month of pain and sitting in A&E most nights praying that the morphine will take the pain away. I know they said this journey would be hard and painful and they weren’t joking. I thought when they said it was going to be hard following the advice and methods given to me from the clinic that it would be cravings etc. not actual pain, physical vomit inducing pain. I am tired and in pain and I find myself crying and asking if this is all worth it. I feel sorry for my family having to witness me writhing around in pain and there is nothing they can do to ease it. Every night that my gall bladder has decided to rip pain through my body, my mum has sat with me and held my hand trying to ease the pain and my dad has paced the floor waiting to be able to shuffle me in the car to drive me to the local A&E. It’s not fair on them and I feel selfish.

I have my appointment with clinic today to discuss how I am doing and if I have lost any weight etc. I sit there crying again (seriously what is with all the waterworks lately?) explaining about how I have been in pain every night and I am not sure I can keep going if this carry’s on. Trust me when I say I am on my last nerve and want to quit so badly. My doctor is amazing, I cannot praise her enough, she sits and hands me tissues as she listens to how the last month has been for me. She realises I am scared, hurting and need help and support. She tells me she is worried that my gall bladder is going to provide a lot of complications when it comes to the final section of tier 3 of the weight loss procedure to get my hernia, bypass and gall bladder surgery. Even though I feel like telling her I have had enough and I want to get of this fairground ride I find the words leaving my mouth are ‘I want to finish this and get through it regardless of the pain’. My brain is screaming at me as I say this to stop and just give up it won’t hurt if I give up. However, how can I give up now? I have come so far and I have lost more weight thanks to the support, help and advice from this clinic.

They have never once fat shamed me or told me I am lazy and unable to do this. They have done nothing but encourage me and show me how capable I am and it’s then that I realise that there is no turning back. I can sit around and just roll over and die like the surgeon told me would happen or I can take a couple more months of pain to get to a healthier and longer life. So, my doctor decides to put my name forward to the surgeons earlier so that I will sit down with the surgeon by April and have a psychology session to make sure my head is ok with what will happen as soon as the surgery journey starts.

I have lost over 3 stone in the months I have been writing this blog, which is way more than I normally lose. I am happy that I am being looked after and that these doctors and nurses actually care and my eating habits are so changed. I rarely eat anything with sugar in it now. I consciously look at how much fat and sugar are in things and I choose fruit and veg over most things now. It sounds insane that I have to actually think about this sort of thing but it’s not until you address actual sugar or food addiction that you realise how bad we all need help with this. This is not an easy journey at all, even to the point where I would prefer to give birth without any form of pain relief, but I know it’s going to be worth it once I get there. Ok now I am off to dance around my living room to some truly fantastic music and sing so loud that the neighbours will bang on the wall. Have a great day everyone.





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